BLINDS SPOTS – Part II: We prefer fantasy instead of the pain of reality.

Does that make sense? Read the following scenario.

A woman thinking

There was a woman who left her husband after years of emotional abuse.  She had been in and out of counseling for years.  Each time she left her husband, she returned, hoping he was sincere about changing, trusting he would stop the emotional abuse,  and believing the relationship would begin to thrive.   This woman knew, through her own life experiences, this was not going to happen.  She knew she could not change him; however, the thought of ending the relationship was a feeling she didn’t want to experience.  To her, it was much more than ending the relationship, it was about packing up all her hopes and dreams –the fear of making a new life for her and her children — she didn’t want to face, the unknown she didn’t think, she knew how.  So she continued to put it off.

Does this sounds familiar?  Do you know someone in a situation like that?  Or, are you in a relationship, or a job, or any other situation where you would prefer fantasy instead of the pain of reality?    I know I’ve put off making important decisions because it was more comfortable being in the mess than it was in the pain of making the change.  It’s easier to turn the channels on life and tune out reality so we do not have to face the pain of it all.

According to Scott Peck, author of the Road Less Traveled, “Once we get it that life is difficult….then life is no longer difficult.”

So what can this woman do to get off the rollercoaster of life and take the next steps toward a smoother path?   She can begin to:

  • Address the issue that sometimes change is painful.
  • Normalize what she is feeling.
  • Address that they she can’t make the decision unless she first clears out the old.
  • Reflect on questions during quiet time such as:

Is there any truth I am refusing to look at because of the pain?

Is this a problem that I have ignored in the past?

Am I willing to make a change?

Based on American Association of Christian Counseling (, Professional Life Coaching 201 Series, Trainer:  Georgia Shaffer, M.A. (Licensed Pennsylvania Psychologist/Life Coach

About Coach Lil

Coach Lil is a certified professional life coach specializing in Life, Transitions, and Health & Wellness Coaching. Coach Lil guides women through transitions to create opportunities, possibilities, and empowerment. She has over 10 years advocacy and coaching women with substance abuse issues, domestic violence, mental health, and through the seasons of life. Coach Lil is personally experienced with moving through many of the same life transitions facing her clients. to learn more visit – Aspire! Professional Life Coach Services. Are you ready to take your next steps? For a free complimentary life coach session, please contact Coach Lil at or visit her website at
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